Log in

16 January 2009 @ 08:06 pm
i called on jesus but he heard i hurt his little girl.  
you'll be missed, miss california.


ashley would have preferred a boy. if she had to. because she could cope with boy. boy meant zach had picked boys. as open minded as ashley tried to be- she always thought bi isn't actually possible. zach would have to pick. and she would be able to cope better if he had picked boy because that meant that no matter what she did she was a girl, and zach had picked boy. because out of everyone, she knew zach. she knew him the best. she knew what she was getting into and she knew her heart would eventually get broken. zach cheated. on everybody. it didn't matter. it was only a matter of time until it happened to her. when it did, ashley had really wanted boy. it would hurt like hell but it would be easier to swallow, it would sting a little less.

it was not a boy.

ashley watched him kiss another girl. she wasn't even pretty. she was all over zach, and zach? was not exactly pushing her away. she didn't know if she was supposed to cry now, to say something to interrupt, to turn around and run away. all she could do was watch. watch what was supposed to be reserved for her and her only. finally, zach broke for air and saw her standing there.

"dude," he exhaled, eyes widening. ashley crossed her arms, not trusting herself to say anything without completely breaking down. he was the one who needed to talk. the girl got off zach and didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed as she passed ashley out the door. "baby," zach started after a long pause, and ashley couldn't do it.

"stop!" she yelled. "just stop." she could do this. she could do this. "i love you zach, but clearly you don't care about me. at all. everything you said before was a lie. and i bought it. but that ends now. i knew you wouldn't change, couldn't. but i wanted you so bad. so badly. you have no idea. tell me, was she the first? the second? the tenth?"

zach couldn't meet her eyes. "you're right. you're totally right." that was the best he could do. seriously? he didn't try to defend himself, he didn't try to explain. so ashley turned around and burst out into tears. of course she was right. she was always right. she had been waiting for this. expecting it. but it still fucking sucked.

there was a soft "ashley?" and her heart skipped a little beat. it wasn't supposed to do that. it had been broken. he tried again. "ash?" she never said no to zach, not ever. she was his best friend and she had taken that seriously, even if he didn't. she did everything, everything for that stupid little smile and half-whispered ash that was just enough to string her along. enough to make her feel special and enough to delude herself into thinking that zach would ever care about anybody other than himself, or consider someones feelings other than himself. that she actually meant something.

swallowing, she walked out the door. 

kayti michellethoushaltkissme on January 17th, 2009 04:53 am (UTC)
awww. ): now i want to cry. AND WRITE THEM SOMEWHERE DAMMIT.
i don't know why nobody told you.: VM » sand.swordpoker on January 18th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
I cannot write Ashley. That's what I learned, haha.